My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
