She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
