And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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