she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
