White coat. Heels.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Holy shit dude........stairs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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