make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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