call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize