Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
