Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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