Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
