8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Randomize
