He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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