i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
