If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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