i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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