yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
