I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
