life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
