I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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