dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
