So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
