Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
