i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
pray to the hookup gods
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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