I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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