We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
