i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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