I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
