Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tequila makes me forget i have legs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
