Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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