the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
