did you get engaged???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
