Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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