covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
