Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
