hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
