i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize