I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
