It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
