You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
