Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
