No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your cock deserves a montage
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
