I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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