so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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