Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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