She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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