that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
