So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
