I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
