i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
