He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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