I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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