I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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