she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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