I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
