everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize