I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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