I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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