I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
