dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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