He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
