census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
