Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
