highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
