If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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