ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
