Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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