why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the day after is always just damage control
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
