Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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