Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
