There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
