after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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