but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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