How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
